The Problem and Prevalence of Narcissism in the Church
The problem of selfishness and self-aggrandizement has always been a problem. Now, however, social media[1] and church structures add to the prevalence of the problem. In fact, self-aggrandizement is often incentivized. In great contrast to Jesus, “Ministry leaders and churches today are obsessively preoccupied with their reputation, influence, success, rightness, progressiveness, relevance, platform, affirmation, and power.”[2]
Christian leaders are often selected based on their charisma and ability to attract a large following.[3] A narcissistic personality can easily be interpreted as pastoral giftedness, a personality well-suited to lead a large church.[4] A narcissistic person is set up well to succeed in today’s church. They can charm, seem superior, and come off as an all-around exceptional person. “They have an almost desperate need to be seen.”[5] This bodes well for churches saturated in social media.
Paul David Tripp gives an important warning in his book, Lead: 12 Gospel Principles for Leadership in the Church:
A leader whose heart has been captured by other things doesn’t forsake ministry to pursue those other things; he uses ministry position, power, authority, and trust to get those things. Every leadership community needs to understand that ministry can be the vehicle for pursuing a whole host of idolatries.
Sadly, the structures we build in the church can foster narcissism’s unchecked growth. It’s problematic when Jesus’ character is not the measurement of success. Instead, the narcissistic profile of grandiosity, entitlement, and absence of empathy becomes the pattern of a good leader. Is it any wonder we have so many pastoral problems and people deconstructing?
Ministry growth, fame, and money are often seen as proof of God’s presence and work. But if that’s true, then Jesus Himself was a failure. He gave up power and riches. He didn’t pursue them. God’s presence isn’t found in power and fame. And His blessing isn’t necessarily found there either. What we should look for in leaders is godly character and fruit—like the fruits of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control.[6]
The abandonment of the humble way of Jesus is not the way to please Jesus. Philippians 2:5-8 says,
Have this mind among yourselves that is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
It would probably be good here to share a modern paraphrase of all of Matthew 23, but instead, I will share just verses 11-12: “The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” Or, here’s John 13:14-15: “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.”
Selfishness and self-aggrandizement are not the way of the Savior. And should not be the way of His church or under-shepherds. Success should be measured by our likeness to Jesus and in our ability to make disciples like Jesus who, in turn, make other disciples like Jesus. In general, across the board, studies bear out bad results about churches making disciples.[7]
In a narcissistic ministry, however, the leader is especially geared towards making acolytes of themselves rather than disciples of Jesus. The leaders may not realize it, but real-life, gritty, and sacrificial discipleship may not even be on the ministerial map. Instead of equipping the saints for the work of the ministry, it’s easy to create a whole host of fans who cheer from the sidelines.
Some Characteristics of a Narcissistic Ministry
First, “The narcissistic system parades its specialness… Who would dare question God’s work?”[8] And, because the mission is so special, certain staff members are asked to make large sacrifices with little or no remuneration. The special work that the ministry is doing is reason to give and serve sacrificially.[9]
Second, “The system often compares itself to others and finds others wanting.”[10] People are led to believe “the church down the block isn’t as blessed, special, or faithful. A collective sense of grandiosity is common in these situations.”[11] This belittles Jesus’ Kingdom and is counteractive to the unity for which Jesus prayed, died, and will finally obtain. It can also blind the church from the log in its eye when they are critical of the speck in a different ministry (Matt. 7:3-5).
Third, because the church is doing such “amazing work,” you can’t question it. It’s seen as obviously bad to question the vine when the fruit seems to speak for itself.
Loyalty to Christ and loyalty to the founding pastor’s vision can get muddled. This is especially true if the pastor says that his own vision is Christ’s—that God directly told him what the church should do next regarding its building, outreach, or finances. Elders or lay leaders who question those decisions are setting themselves up to question God. And who wants to look like they’re questioning God? Especially when following the pastor’s/God’s vision has led to enormous growth, souls saved, lives changed, and communities transformed, and when other churches are looking to your church as the ultimate success story.[12]
It is therefore easy for those who are drawn into the gravitational pull of narcissism to enable the narcissist by letting him off the hook for his behavior.[13] After all, they’re doing so much for the church.[14]
So, ultimately, those who don’t toe the line and “refuse to idealize the leader are chewed up and spit out.”[15] This is obviously dangerous for all sorts of reasons. For one, feedback is not given, or at least, not honestly.[16] Individuals tend to favor the most favorable interpretation, disregarding potential inconsistencies and downplaying minor relational transgressions. They conveniently dismiss reservations about the leader. That “is why many who get close to the epicenter of leadership either forfeit their integrity or resign.”[17]
Mark Driscoll, the former pastor of Mars Hill Church, infamously said, “There is a pile of dead bodies behind the Mars Hill bus, and by the grace of God it will be a mountain by the time we’re done. You either get on the bus or you get run over by the bus, those are the two options, but the bus ain’t stopping.” The person driving the bus, however, is Mark Driscoll himself, and it is his mission and his brand that have become central, and people must serve his agenda or be fired.
The LORD, the Good Shepherd, will not stand for such abuse of His blood-bought sheep. “Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will require my sheep at their hand” (Ezek. 34:10). He says, “Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep” (Jer. 23:1). Again He says, “Wail, you shepherds, and cry out… No refuge will remain for the shepherds” (Jer. 25:34, 35).
Faithful pastors won’t stand for the mistreatment of sheep or fellow pastors. Instead, they, like the Good Shepherd, will willingly lay their job, title, and life down for the good of the sheep (Jn. 10:11-18). Faithful pastors will stand their ground and guard the sheep, come what may.
Fourth, narcissistic leaders might bring church growth, but not all growth is healthy. Cancer can cause quick growth. So, anxious churches driven by narcissistic pastors may grow numerically, but healthy churches flourish. We should not mistake numerical growth for flourishing.[18] Especially when Jesus has called us to make disciples, and not fans who sit on chairs.
Fifth, and we have already touched on this, but it’s important to make it explicit: there is a lot of incentive for the narcissistic pastor and ministry to conceal the narcissism. People might say, “he has a few rough edges,” “we all make mistakes,” or “she’s just passionate.” For all of these reasons, “for those hurt by a narcissistic pastor, the pathways to justice may be few.”[19] People believe the gifted pastor over and above anyone else.
A Few of the Problems with Narcissism
The problem with narcissism in the church is that narcissism has no place in the church, or at least, unrepentant narcissism. I realize we’re all in process. And yes, there should be an appropriate self-love. To that I agree. But unrestrained and uncontained narcissism is not in alignment with the Lord Jesus, who came as a servant.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.
Narcissistic pastors, knowing what they know about the christian ethic, must walk the fine line between supposed omnipotence and feigned humility. “He wants you to see that he is the best and brightest, but he wants you to think he is a humble servant of the Lord. He speaks of justice, of faithfulness, of humility, but he longs to be the center of attention, where his need to be special is affirmed.”[20]
From a biblical perspective, narcissism stems from pride, which Scripture identifies as sin. Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble” (James 4:6). Scripture warns that where there is pride, there will be destruction (Prov. 11:2; 16:18).
Narcissists also struggle with empathy because of their self-centeredness, which directly contradicts the Bible. Scripture commands believers to “look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil. 2:4), a directive narcissists routinely disobey. Christians are called to esteem others more highly than themselves and to serve others in love—the exact opposite of narcissistic behavior.[21]
Two characteristics of narcissism are jealousy and selfish ambition, these the letter of James says, are earthly, natural, and demonic, and thus are clearly not in alignment with followers of Jesus. It’s also very problematic because where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing (James 3:14-16). As many stories demonstrate (Mark Driscoll, James MacDonald, Ravi Zacharias, etc.). In contrast, “the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere” (v. 17). Note that last part, wisdom from above is “always sincere.”
The Christian leader’s job is not to put on a show, especially a show featuring themselves; it is to equip the saints for the work of the ministry. It’s not to attract a crowd, build a big modern church, or build their ministry; no, it’s to equip others for ministry. The narcissist is well equipped to be on the stage, put on a performance, and attract a following, but isn’t as good at stepping out of the limelight and sending and supporting others to flourish in their gifts.
The problem with narcissism is it’s not the way of Jesus and His church. It ends up being a rival faction, a monster with a protruding head. Jesus is the actual head of the church, but churches with narcissistic leaders and systems betray that reality and picture a grotesque copy of Jesus’ actual ideal. One in which a man (or woman) has set up a thiefdom and subtly robs the real King of the glory due only to Him, and robs laborers who would have otherwise labored in the harvest to build the King’s Kingdom are now enlisted to build the narcissistic leader’s little hobby town.[22]
Conclusion
Churches, especially modern churches, incentivize building a brand and putting the pastor’s name (read “gifted speaker”) in lights. But this is not the way of Jesus. The way of Jesus is humble equipping and discipling. It’s authentic, not artificial. It builds a blood, sweat, and tears army ready to give their life in love for the world; not fans who like the funny stories and music. Narcissism is not just nauseating because of the failure of leadership, the eventual church fallout, but also because of the malformation of disciples of Jesus. Narcissism is a cancerous cell that replicates and contaminates.
Notes
[1] Sadly, people can “use their congregations to validate a sense of identity and worth. The church becomes an extension of the narcissistic ego, and its ups and downs lead to seasons of ego inflation and ego deflation for the pastor. Today socialmedia platforms add to this mix. Because his sense of identity is bound up in external realities, his sense of mission is wavering and unmoored, often manifesting in constantly shifting visions and programs, frequent dissatisfaction with the status quo, and anxious engagement with staff and members.” (Chuck DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse.
[2] DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church.
[3] We often tend to select leaders in the Christian world according to their gifts rather than their character. We see gifts and assume the leader’s character matches the image they project (Diane Langberg, When the Church Harms God’s People).
[4] DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church.
[5] DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church. “If ministry leadership is your identity, then Christ isn’t… Ministry leadership identity produces fear and anxiety and will never produce the humility and courage that come with identity in Christ. Looking horizontally, as a leader, for your identity, meaning, purpose, and internal sense of well-being asks people, places, and position to do for you what only your Messiah can do. This will produce either pride in success or fear of failure but never the kind of humility and courage of heart that results in humble, willing, confessing approachability.Ministry as a source of identity will never result in healthy gospel-shaped relationships in your leadership community, the kind of relationships in which candor is encouraged, confession is greeted with grace, and bonds of love, appreciation, affection, understanding, and respect grow strong” (Paul David Tripp, Lead, 156).
[6] See Diane Langberg, When the Church Harms God’s People.
[7] “Only 8% of U.S. Protestant pastors are extremely satisfied with discipleship in their church” (“Few Pastors Believe Discipleship Tops Their Churches’ Efforts” based on studies from “The State of Discipleship” https://research.lifeway.com/state-of-discipleship/).
[8] DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church.
[9] Even though the sacrifice is about the “name brand church” which is closely connected to the lead pastor’s name and reputation, and not mainly about Jesus’ Kingdom. Of course, “Sacricice and devotion are part and pacel of the Christian life. Jesus said, “Whoever loses their life for me will find it.” (Matt. 16:25). But when the call to sacrifice is set in a context like Willow Creek and other dynamic churches, it’s not always clear whether members are being called to sacrifice for Christ or for the church and its programs” (Katelyn Beaty, Celebrates for Jesus: How Personas, Platforms, and Profits are Hurting the Church).
[10] DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church.
[11] Ibid.
[12] Katelyn Beaty, Celebrates for Jesus.
[13] DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church.
[14] How sad that “We ignore and cover up that for which he bears nail scars, all the while using his name to sanction our deeds. When evil is discovered, our response too often is to hide misdeeds in the name of protecting the reputation of the church.” (Langberg, When the Church Harms God’s People).
[15] DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church.
[16] This is in part because “when the narcissistic leader is under attack, his response is defensiveness and a victim complex” (Ibid.). “Those affected by narcissism’s bite were led to believe it was their fault—a lack of humility, a failure to submit. Systems of power and wealth that fostered abuse” (Ibid.). “Entitled pastors snap when pricked, however. Even the smallest pinprick of challenge or concern from another leads to defensiveness and self-protective strategies” (Ibid.).
[17] Ibid.
[18] Ibid.
[19] Ibid.
[20] “Narcissistic pastors walk the fine line of omnipotence and feigned humility. He wants you to see that he is the best and brightest, but he wants you to think he is a humble servant of the Lord. He speaks of justice, of faithfulness, of humility, but he longs to be the center of attention, where his need to be special is affirmed.” (Ibid.).
[21] R. K. Bufford, “Narcissism,” in New Dictionary of Christian Apologetics, ed. Campbell Campbell-Jack and Gavin J. McGrath (Leicester, England: Inter-Varsity Press, 2006), 472.
[22] Jesus is about His Kingdom and His reign being realized in the hearts, hands, and heads of all people, regardless of their organizational affiliation. We get messed up messing around with a lesser leader’s little project. King Jesus is often working in the margins with the low and humble. The sad reality is, “Christendom’s institutional priorities often have nothing to do with, and may be antithetical to, following Jesus” (Langberg, When the Church Harms God’s People).
A Diffrent Church Culture: Character instead of Charisma
What if we constructed a different church culture? What if we valued character over charisma? What if we had less scandal and pastoral burnout? What if church were different?
We don’t come out and say that charisma matters more than character, we don’t say that performance is the preference over pastoring, but that is often our modus operandi. Character takes a back seat to packing the seats. “The celebrity syndrome destroys accountability… The strong leader who builds a large and successful church is often not held to strict account.”[1] Too much is riding on the good name of the performer. So, coverups happen for the “good” of the church.
What if so much weight and expectation were never meant to be on one pastor? What if we have so many scandals and moral failures, partly because the pastorate was never meant to be what we’ve made it? “We expect the pastor to be a shrink in the pulpit, a CEO in the office, and flawless in every area of his life.”[2] Is this sustainable? Especially when he is also often called to be a celebrity.
It would seem that Christian leaders are especially under attack by the enemy.
One poll showed that nearly 40 percent of the pastors polled had had an extramarital affair since beginning their ministries. And the divorce rate among clergy is increasing faster than in any other profession. The statistics show that the divorce rate among the Protestant clergy in the United States is higher than the national rate 65 percent as compared with 50 percent.[3]
The reality is every pastor is tempted by power, pride, and pleasure. So, it is vital for pastors to have character and accountability, and not be unduly put on a pedestal. If they are put on a pedestal at all it should only be to say with the Apostle Paul: “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”
Yet, sadly, we essentially incentivize hypocrisy through social media. An unwritten role is that pastors have a good social media presence. Actual presence and character have been downplayed and what is seen on the screen is what is valued. The world has been turned upside-down and Satan is having a field day.
Along these lines, Mike Cosper shared that too many of his friends “threw themselves whole-hog into the creation of a persona and devoted all of their energy (and often, the energy of several staff members) into the maintenance of the mask they wore. This left the rest of their life and the rest of their soul unattended, and the darkness they ignored or avoided or pretended didn’t exist eventually shipwrecked their lives, their careers, and in many cases, their families.”[4]
Paul David Tripp astutely points out that the desire and obtainment of fruitful ministry and success can be pursued and obtained for the wrong reasons. One can easily desire more baptisms, a bigger budget, and more buildings not for the glory of God and Kingdom growth, but for the fame and self-worth/identity of the lead pastor. The human heart is fickle, even the pastor’s heart.
“A leader whose heart has been captured by other things doesn’t forsake ministry to pursue those other things; he uses ministry position, power, authority, and trust to get those things. Every leadership community needs to understand that ministry can be the vehicle for pursuing a whole host of idolatries.”[5]
Continued Christian character must be a qualification for leadership, not charisma alone. It is easy to use the right things to the wrong ends. Vance Pitman once pointed out that every man that has an affair in ministry, had an affair with ministry first. Paul David Tripp gives invaluable counsel regarding leadership within the church in his book Lead.[6]
Leaders and teachers can “profess to know God” and yet “deny Him by their works” (Titus 1:16).[7] That’s partly why Christian leaders need to meet the biblical qualifications (1 Tim. 3:1-13; Titus 1:1-9). It is easy to want to teach for shameful gain (Titus 1:11). Yet, those who teach must do so out of love for Christ and others; and have character that commends the message (v. 6-9).
Christians, especially Christian leaders, should demonstrate love, joy, kindness, impartiality, mercy, faithfulness, reasonableness, gentleness, goodness, grace, patience, purity, peace, sincerity, and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23; James 3:17). Christians should never be characterized by quarreling, conceit, hostility, gossip, jealousy, rivalry, anger, envy, enmity, slander, strife, dissensions, divisions, or disorder (2 Cor. 12:20; Gal. 5:19-21). In Exodus, we are told that those who were to be placed in leadership were those who feared God, were trustworthy, and hated bribes (Ex. 18:21). Christian leaders who are fit to lead are those who care for the flock and not just for themselves; who feed the flock and not just themselves (Ezek. 34:1-10).
Christian leaders should be motivated to serve out of love of God, and love of people. Not money, not fame, not power. The Apostle Paul said, “Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which He bought with His own blood” (Acts 20:28). Christian leaders have a weighty calling. They are to care for the precious people Messiah Jesus purchased with His very own sacrificial death. That is not something to take lightly. Christian leaders are to shepherd the flock of God that is among them, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have them; not for shameful gain, but eagerly (1 Pet. 5:2). Christian leaders “will have to give an account” of their leadership (Heb. 13:17).
So, in evaluating a Christian leader, we should ask: “Does this person demonstrate strong Christian character? Does this person show compassion and concern? Is this person motivated by love of God and neighbor?” We should not merely ask: “Does this person have charisma and influence?”
Notes
[1] Colson and Vaughn, Being the Body, 332.
[2] Ibid.,332.
[3] Ibid.
[4] Mike Cosper, Recapturing the Wonder: Transcendent Faith in a Disenchanted World, 83.
[5] Paul David Tripp, Lead, 109-110.
[6] “Every leader needs to be the object of ongoing discipleship, every leader needs at moments to be confronted, every leader needs the comforts of the gospel, every leader needs help to see what he would not see on his own, and every leader needs to be granted the love and encouragement to deal with the artifacts of the old self that are still within him. If this is so, then we cannot be so busy envisioning, designing, maintaining, evaluating, and reengineering ministry that we have little time to care for the souls of the ones who are leading this gospel work. A spiritually healthy leadership community participates in the ongoing personal spiritual growth of each one of its members” (Tripp, Lead, 86).
[7] Healthy doctrine is vital (1 Tim. 1:10; 6:3; 2 Tim. 1:13; 4:3; Titus 1:9, 13) and so are good works (1 Tim. 2:10; 5:10, 25; 6:18; 2 Tim. 2:21; 3:17; Titus 1:8; 2:3, 14; 3:1).
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