How Can You Move Past Your Past?
Way back before smartphones and before GPS, there was something called MapQuest. With MapQuest, you could print out easy-to-follow directions. Instead of your device telling you what to do and when, you had to remember what you had already done and where you were. Otherwise, you would make the wrong turn.
I’m directionally challenged, and sometimes I get lost. It was especially bad for me before the advent of smartphones and the constant presence of GPS. I’d forget where I had been and then wouldn’t know what I needed to do next, and so I’d get lost.
Just as when driving, in life we must know where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going.
Remember Where You Have Been (and who you were)
Why should we remember? Doesn’t Paul say, “forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead” (Phil. 3:13)? Yes, he does. But… Paul also says he was “a persecutor of the church” (v. 6). which is something he did in the past. He didn’t forget that fact.
Paul is emphasizing not forgetting, but focus. We are not to focus on the past. We are to focus on the path and prize before us (v. 14-15).
We know from Galatians 1:13 that Paul did, in fact, remember his “former life.” It was in part because Paul realized that formerly he “was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent” that he stood in awe of God’s mercy (1 Tim. 1:13).
Paul even called himself the foremost of sinners, but he knew and rejoiced that Jesus came to save sinners like himself (1 Tim. 1:15).[1] That’s what we see in Luke 7:46: Jesus said it is the person who knows they have been forgiven much, who loves much.
And remember, even the prodigal son is to rejoice and party. Not in a casual, lighthearted way, but with a profound sense of knowing that he was lost but is now found.
The father welcomes him to the party. The father throws a feast. Not so much because of his past or despite his past, but because his past is past. There is great rejoicing because of the return.
Also, Ezekiel 16 gives a powerful analogy. It is a story about a baby girl who was abandoned. No eye pitied the baby (v. 5). It was left to wallow in its own blood (v. 6).
That is the sad and sick part of the story. Yet, it sets up the beauty of the rescue that happens. If we forget why the rescue was necessary, we’ll forget that the rescue even happened.
It might be difficult for Snow White to recount all the difficulties she faced, but if she forgets the curse she was under, then she won’t be as grateful to her prince, who rescued her.
The orphan outcast in Ezekiel 16 forgot her previous sorry state, and so she forgot her rescue and Rescuer. She did not remember the days of her youth, when she was naked and bare, wallowing in her own blood (v. 22). She forgot her past, so she forgot to be grateful. That’s what we’re liable to do if we forget our past. Sometimes our broken pasts are what highlight God’s transforming beauty.
Not sure if you’ve heard of the word kintsugi, but it is a Japanese word that means “joining with gold.” Kintsugi is a Japanese art form in which a broken vessel’s shards are put back together using gold lacquer. What was badly broken becomes beautiful.
In fact, the bigger the break, the better the beautiful gold shows. Sometimes glory is seen not through strength but through the Savior fixing what was shattered. God brings beauty from what is broken (Isaiah 61:3).
It’s also important to remember the past because it can help prevent us from being unnecessarily hurt in the future. Take Joseph in the Bible, for example. Joseph was mistreated by his brothers. And he did not simply ignore or forget how his brothers sinned against him. He wept over that reality even while he trusted the LORD and forgave his brothers (Genesis 45:1-5; 50:15-21).
Yet, he also helped his brothers to seriously face their sins (Gen. 42:14-20; 44:1-5). Remembering the past can also help prevent us from believing lies. Remembering can be a kind of light that exposes sin, sin that you have perpetrated, and sin that has been perpetrated against you.
So, remembering is often not easy. It can be painful. Many do not want sin to be exposed (John 3:16-21). But as Anna Salter has said, “Darkness produces good mushrooms, but poor flowers.” Or as Dan Allender has said, “The past clings to the present like an intractable barnacle.”[2] If we want to move forward and blossom as God desires us to, sometimes we have to consider and heal from past wounds.
So, we can ask the LORD to search our hearts (Ps. 139:23-24) and ask Him to reveal any hurts that need healing. We cannot solve a problem until we see the problem for what it is.
Another way of saying it: we cannot give our burden to the LORD until we have acknowledged that it’s a burden (1 Peter 5:6-9). Therefore, we remember our past not to wallow in it, but to rejoice in the Lord’s abundant provision. And when we remember where we have been, it helps us stand in awe of where we are now by the grace of God.
Remember Where You Are (and who you are now)
We need something to eclipse our past. But that thing has to be big, or it won’t be able to eclipse whatever lies behind us.
Notice that doesn’t change the reality of our past; it is just a bigger reality than our past. What could eclipse our past? What could be so big that it makes a difference in how we see everything?
John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress recounts the story of a pilgrim named Christian. Christian had an unbearable burden—the crushing weight of sin and guilt. He could find no freedom from the weight of his sin. Until… Until he came upon a hill that had a cross at the top of it and a grave at the bottom. It was as Christian looked upon the cross that his unbearable burden fell off. It fell off and tumbled into the tomb, never to be seen again.
That was the crucial moment in Christian’s journey. His path wasn’t finished, but he was thenceforth new. The Bible teaches us that we are not what we have done or what has been done to us. In Christ, we are new; a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17).
We must fight to remember so we don’t forget. Zechariah chapter 3 tells us a pretty amazing story about Joshua the high priest. He was no doubt a man who sought to live a holy and righteous life and was a leader in the community as the high priest, yet Satan accused him (Zech. 3:1).
That’s actually what the word Satan means, accuser. And that’s what Satan does, he accuses. And he accused Zechariah.
But the LORD rebukes Satan. And the LORD says He has chosen His people, He has plucked them from the fire. And the LORD has Joshua’s filthy garments removed and clothes him with pure clothing (v. 4-5).
That’s what Jesus does. He takes away our sin and gives us clothes of His righteousness. So when we stand before the LORD and hear Satan’s accusations, all Satan’s accusations fall flat.
We can boldly go before the LORD because Jesus has provided a way for us. We are hidden and clothed in Christ (Col. 3:3). Therefore, because of the cleansing and clothing of Christ, we are not condemned, and we should not listen to the lies of Satan, the accuser.
We are God’s children, welcomed with Christ the King. So, we remember where we are: in Christ. And we remember who we are: new creations in Christ.
So, there is another sense in which we are to forget. We are to put the past in the past. We are to remember that in Christ, our sins have been cast into the depths of the sea (Micah 7:19). So, because God forgets our sins, we should too.
Remember Where You Are Going (and whose you are)
Remembering who we are and whose we are helps us put the past in the past. We won’t ever be able to move past our past if we don’t let it stay in the past… Obvious. Yet, profound. The past is the past, so we don’t need to keep dredging it up unnecessarily.
Imagine being at a traffic light and it turns green. You are free to go. Move on. But you just stay there. You’re acting as if it’s red. You’re acting as if you’re stuck. But you’re free to go. But you don’t. You just stay there, stopped at the green light.
That’s what it’s like when we don’t move past the past. I don’t want to be insensitive because I know a lot of people have some really difficult things that they deal with from the past.
You might have been hurt by someone in the past, or you might have hurt someone in the past. You might have sinned against others or been sinned against. Likely, it’s a confusing mix of both. But we want to move forward and not becrushed by the weight of the past.
Remembering where we are going makes all the difference in the world. We see this in passages like Hebrews 11. When we know that we are “strangers and exiles on the earth” (v. 13) and we “desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one” (v. 16) we live differently.
When we look at the past, God’s transforming grace in Christ is there. Our sins are buried in the deepest, darkest, undivable ocean. They can’t be dredged up. When we look at our present, God’s transforming grace in Christ is there.We’re hidden in Christ. Our sin cannot be seen. We have Christ’s blanket of righteousness as our cover. When we look at the future, God’s transforming grace in Christ will be there. Our sins will be forever gone. We’ll have only a song of Christ’s transforming grace.
Our past paints a picture of our need for God. We use the lessons of our past to rely on God for our future. God has been good, and He will be good eternally, and with that truth in mind and by the empowering grace of the Spirit, we can and must move forward.
Thinking About the Past to Move Forward in the Future
- How has your family of origin or something in your past affected your relationship with God and your mental/emotional health?
- Whether it is in your conscience or in practical terms, what decisions have you made in the past that you are still suffering from?
- How does remembering who you are now in Christ encourage you?
- How does remembering the promise of the future help you deal with the hurts of the past?
Notes
[1] “Paul had a clear grasp of the scope of his sinful past, the lies that had fueled his sin, and exactly what he needed God to help him change. In other words, we cannot put the painful past behind us until we have fully grappled with it” (Steven R. Tracy, Mending the Soul: Understanding and Healing Abuse, 134).
[2] Dan B. Allender, The Wounded Heart, 202.
*Photo by Ray Kacaribu
What is Forgiveness and How Can I Forgive?
The Bible talks about forgiveness frequently. It talks about God’s forgiveness of us and our forgiveness of others. Forgiveness is important. So, it’s important that we have a good understanding of it.
What does forgiveness mean?
The truth is, we hear many confusing definitions of forgiveness. Yet, to misunderstand forgiveness brings serious consequences.[1]
The main New Testament Greek word for forgive is ἄφεσις, and basically means to “let go.” Yet, we should know that the best way to determine the biblical meaning of forgiveness is to look at its various uses in the Bible.[2] That’s a big errand and not one we will be able to do here. Yet, this study can still be helpful.
There are three main types of forgiveness.[3]
1. Legal or Judicial Forgiveness
“Judicial forgiveness involves the remission or pardoning of sin by God.” This type of forgiveness “lies at the heart of Christianity and the salvation experience.”[4] This form of forgiveness is contingent on confession of sin (Ps. 32:5; 1 Jn. 1:9) and repentance (Lk. 24:47; Acts 2:38; 5:31). In the ultimate sense, this type of forgiveness cannot be granted by humans, only sought by humans. This type of forgiveness is the kind that every person must seek. Because there is none righteous, not even one (Rom. 3:10). So, we are all in need of forgiveness.
There is, however, another sense of judicial forgiveness. That is, to forgive the debt that one owes. Imagine a friend borrows five hundred dollars; it is my right to get my money back. He owes a debt to me. But I can forgive that debt so that he does not owe me.
The Bible says that the wage of sin is death (Rom. 6:23). The debt we owe because of our sin is death and separation from God. Yet, God makes a way for our debt to be forgiven.
Are Christians to grant legal or judicial forgiveness?
First, it depends on what is meant. As we have said, we are not in the place of God to forgive sins which have been committed against Him. Yet, God in His grace and mercy has provided a way of forgiveness. God is both just and the justifier of the one who places their faith in Jesus (Rom. 3:26).
Second, God has instituted governmental authorities over us to carry out justice and enforce the law. If someone has broken the law and is sentenced to pay the penalty for their crime, we cannot release them from their punishment. In that sense, we cannot “let go” and forgive.
Yet, third, it does seem there is a sense that Christians are, at least at times, to grant legal or judicial forgiveness. This seems especially to be the case when Christians are dealing with other Christians. For example, Paul writes in his letter to the Christian Corinthians, “To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded” (6:7)?
2. Psychological Forgiveness
“Psychological forgiveness is the inner, personal category of forgiveness, and it has two aspects: negatively, it involves letting go of hatred and personal revenge; positively, it involves extending grace to the offender.”[5]This is a form of forgiveness that I believe all Christians are called to.
It should be realized, however, that letting go of revenge and retribution does not mean letting go of justice or the desire for justice. In fact, trusting in God’s perfect justice enables us to leave revenge to God (Rom. 12:19). God will perfectly carry out justice even when governmental justice fails. Trusting God’s justice facilitates forgiveness. We don’t have to avenge ourselves because God is a just avenger (Deut. 32:35; Ps. 94:1-2; Rom. 12:19; 1 Thess. 4:6).
So, “forgiveness does not necessarily remove negative consequences for the one forgiven, nor does it automatically grant trust and reconciliation.”[6] We see this in different places throughout the Bible. In Numbers 14:20-23, God forgives His people of their sin, but that does not mean there aren’t consequences. There are. None of the rebellious adults enter the Promised Land (see also 2 Sam. 12:11; Hos. 3:1-5).
Also, psychological forgiveness is not necessarily felt first; it is often granted first.[7] Forgiveness is not just a feeling; it’s a choice. Hopefully, feelings eventually accompany the choice, but forgiveness is a “letting go” whether or not we feel like letting go.[8]
Forgiveness does not mean that one must forget. “There is no such commandment in the Scripture. Forgiveness is not a shock treatment that instantly wipes out memory of the recent past.”[9] Forgiveness is a process. And I also believe it is a provision of God. He helps us to forgive, and He can heal our hurts.
Are Christians to grant psychological forgiveness?
In short, yes, I believe they are. But psychological forgiveness does not necessarily mean things must automatically or ever go back to the way things were.
3. Relational Forgiveness
This type of forgiveness is restorative. It is the restoration of a relationship or reconciliation. This form of forgiveness is always desirable, but not always possible. There are various scenarios in which this is the case. Aaron Sironi points out that Joseph, in Genesis 42-45, wisely withheld reconciliation until his brothers acknowledged their sins and expressed true remorse.[10]
“When trust is deeply broken, restoration is often a lengthy process largely determined by the changing attitudes and actions of the abuser. Words and tears are not and will never be enough to restore trust. When an abusive person genuinely repents, there is an understanding and acceptance that rebuilding trust will take time.”[11]
In Luke 17, Jesus says: “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
First, we should pay attention to ourselves, knowing that we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2). We must realize that “temptations to sin are sure to come” (Lk. 17:1) to us all. We shouldn’t ignorantly and arrogantly think we are immune.
Second, if someone[12] sins, we are to lovingly rebuke them. Yet, we must make sure we are not puffed up in pride, and we must make sure we do not have a log in our own eye when we seek to look at the speck in someone else’s eye (Matt. 7:3-5). We must also realize that some offenses should just be overlooked (Prov. 19:11; 1 Pet. 2:19, 23). We shouldn’t make an issue where no issue exists or where something can be lovingly overlooked.
Third, it says that if they repent, we are to forgive them. That seems to mean if they don’t repent, we are not constrained to forgive them, at least in the relational sense. Though, in the psychological sense mentioned above, I believe we are still to forgive. So, at least some forms of forgiveness are conditional.
But, Timothy Keller makes a good point when he says,
If a relationship has broken down, it is always your move to initiate relationship repair. Matthew 5 says, “If your brother has something against you, go to him,” while Matthew 18 says, “If you have something against your brother, go to him,” so it doesn’t matter who started it. A Christian is responsible to begin the process of reconciliation, regardless of how the alienation began. [13]
Notice Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Sometimes it is not up to us. If people in our lives insist on continued abuse, we do not need to relationally forgive them. In fact, we likely should not. I believe that would be casting our pearls before swine (Matt. 7:6).
Fourth, we are to forgive those who sin against us when they repent, even when they are struggling to defeat their sin. Therefore, we see Christians are to offer relational forgiveness when genuine repentance has taken place (2 Cor. 2:5-11).
Are Christians to grant relational forgiveness?
As we have seen, the granting of relational forgiveness seems to depend on various factors. Is it wise and safe to be in a relationship with the person who hurt you? Have they shown signs of genuine godly repentance and change?
Steps to Forgive
It can be difficult to forgive others. Yet, forgiveness is something God calls us to. So, here are five steps to help us forgive.
1. Understand God’s Forgiveness
Look at these verses about God’s forgiveness of us!
- “The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against Him” (Dan. 9:9).
- “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us” (Ps. 103:12).
- “Who is a God like You, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea” (Mic. 7:18-19).
This is how Keller says it:
We should be in the accused prisoner’s dock, but we put ourselves in the judge’s seat. But the Lord, who rightly sat in the universe’s judgment seat, came down, put himself in the dock, and went to the cross. The Judge of all the earth was judged. He was punished for us. He took the punishment we deserve. This humbles us out of our bitterness because we know we are also sinners living only by sheer mercy (Forgive: Why Should I and How Can I?).
2. Understand what God says about forgiveness
We must consider what we have already looked at above. In addition, once we have remembered and celebrated God’s abundant love and forgiveness, it’s good to remember what He calls us to.
- “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32).
- “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Col. 3:13).
- “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matt. 6:14-15 see also Matt. 18:15-35).
3. Understand the offense(s) and negative emotions
If we are to rightly forgive someone, it’s important that we rightly understand what it is we are forgiving them for. Therefore, it is important to clearly think about what they have done and what the result has been. When we know what we need to forgive, we are better positioned to forgive.
4. Deliberately let go of the desire for revenge
We, like Jesus, are to entrust ourselves to Him who judges justly (1 Pet. 2:23). That means we work to let go of a desire for revenge because we know that God will make all things right in the end.
5. Reevaluate the person who hurt you and discover their humanity
We remember that we are all sinners in need of grace. If someone has done something to hurt you, it could be because they have been deeply hurt or because Satan deeply deceived them. Of course, neither of those things justifies at all what they did, but it can be helpful to see their humanity.
What Does Real Repentance Look Like?
This is an important consideration for the person asking for forgiveness, as well as the person granting forgiveness to consider. Genuine repentance is especially important with relational forgiveness. As we saw above, Joseph wanted to see signs of genuine repentance from his brothers before granting relational forgiveness.
So, if someone seeks to genuinely repent, they should:
- Take full responsibility for what they have done.
- Acknowledge the full and extensive scope of what they have done.
- Put boundaries and plans in place to protect the one they have hurt.
- Take active steps to change.
This is what godly repentance looks like that leads to life, as opposed to worldly repentance that leads to death (2 Cor. 7:10-16).[14] People, in other words, are called to bear fruit in keeping with repentance (Matt. 3:8).
Conclusion
It seems that for the Christian, forgiveness is required in every case. Yet, there are different types of forgiveness. If we forgive what someone owes us, that means we realize we will not exact payment. That, however, does not mean that God will not exact payment. Forgiveness, then, is an act of faith that entrusts justice and retribution into God’s hands. We can forgive and let things go when we give them to God. God can handle those things.
Notes
[1] Aaron Sironi, “From Your Heart… Forgive,” 47 in The Journal of Biblical Counseling, vol. 26, num. 3.
[2] See Steven R. Tracy, Mending the Soul, 183
[3] Timothy Keller says, “These are not two kinds of forgiveness but two aspects or stages of it. One could say that the first must always happen, and the second may happen, but that is not always possible. Attitudinal forgiveness can occur without reconciliation, but reconciliation cannot happen unless attitudinal forgiveness has already occurred. (Forgive: Why Should I and How Can I?, 107)
[4] Steven Tracy, Mending the Soul, 184.
[5] Tracy, Mending the Soul, 185.
[6] Tracy, Mending the Soul, 182.
[7] Jay Adams, The Christian Counselor’s Manuel, 67.
[8] Keller says, “Forgiveness is often (or perhaps usually) granted before it’s felt inside. When you forgive somebody, you’re not saying, ‘All my anger is gone.’ What you’re saying when you forgive is ‘I’m now going to treat you the way God treated me. I remember your sins no more'” (Forgive).
[9] Adams, The Christian Counselor’s Manuel, 64-65.
[10] Sironi, “From Your Heart… Forgive,” 51.
[11] Sironi, “From Your Heart… Forgive,” 51.
[12] Luke 17:3 says “brother.” This refers to any Christian brother or sister. But seems to apply in certain contexts to non-Christians, as well.
[13] Keller, Forgive, 190.
[14] “True repentance begins where whitewashing (“Nothing really happened”) and blame-shifting (“It wasn’t really my fault”) and self-pity (“I’m sorry because of what it has cost me”) and self-flagellation (“I will feel so terrible no one will be able to criticize me”) end” (Keller, Forgive, 149).
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