Falling like the Rain

I woke to the sound of rain drenching everything in its path and my daughters quiet voice asking if the dog can still go out to use the restroom. “Yes, please take the dog out!” was my urgent reply.

I have always loved the rain. The sound it creates as it slaps the ground, rushing along the path it created just moments ago. It is a gift from God. He uses the rain to feed and nourish all His creation. All of our senses are brushed by His creation. We shiver in the dampness, we smell & taste the sweet yet dank rain, we hear and see the chorus of individual drops dissolve.

I pulled my aching body out of bed. I knew before my feet touched the cold hardwood floor I would struggle today. The joint pain and intense head pressure joining my usual unstable heart rate and low blood pressure.

I struggled through my morning to get ready for church. My children accustomed to my health were dressed, fed and prepared to leave. Their father left before anyone was awake to prepare to preach and serve the congregation.

We left and sang along to some of our favorite songs as we pulled into the parking lot. I forced myself from the car. I truly just wanted to lay the seat down so that I could rest but pushed past my desire and walked through the handicap accessible doors. We made our way to the usual spot and greeted our pastor, father and husband for the first time that day. The music began. I stood beside my husband singing.

Standing is not a task for most people. It is for me and it does not last long. Let me explain: I pass out/black out multiple times a day. I have most of my life and it has gotten worse over time. I have a condition called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome which is one of many conditions I fight daily.

As we stood singing these words, “When I fall down you pick me up” my watch alerts me… My heart rate was 148. “I will pass out soon if I do not lay down or sit down fast,” I thought to myself. So, I quickly sit.

I pray over my body and try to sing these words as my thoughts grow fuzzy, my temperature sky rockets, and my vision distorts. Very few around me know what is going on other than the pastors wife sat down, again.

“When I fall down you pick me up.” I fall and hit the ground often. I fall when I pass out and because my body doesn’t hold itself together because of a condition called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I get the ‘fall risk’ sign at 31 years old. I am a part time mobility aid user. I am slow to get up and require a long recovery period.

This phrase “When I fall down you pick me up” is literal to me. I may fall but my Savior always picks me up. He uses my young broken body to demonstrate to others how He can still pick us up in spite of our circumstances. He may not physically pick me up, but He picks my soul up. He brings the rain which soothes my anxious heart. He gives me peace as I lay in pain. He calms my spirit as I pray for my heart to regulate. He uses His people to bring comfort and to be my literal hands and feet. I may fall but He picks me up. He fills my dry cup and overflows it with his unwavering provision. He is my all and all. My God, My Savior, the Creator of heaven and earth. My all and all. The God that provides the rain, lays with us in our pain and picks us up with His unconditional love and kindness.