How Can You Move Past Your Past?
Way back before smartphones and before GPS, there was something called MapQuest. With MapQuest, you could print out easy-to-follow directions. Instead of your device telling you what to do and when, you had to remember what you had already done and where you were. Otherwise, you would make the wrong turn.
I’m directionally challenged, and sometimes I get lost. It was especially bad for me before the advent of smartphones and the constant presence of GPS. I’d forget where I had been and then wouldn’t know what I needed to do next, and so I’d get lost.
Just as when driving, in life we must know where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going.
Remember Where You Have Been (and who you were)
Why should we remember? Doesn’t Paul say, “forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead” (Phil. 3:13)? Yes, he does. But… Paul also says he was “a persecutor of the church” (v. 6). which is something he did in the past. He didn’t forget that fact.
Paul is emphasizing not forgetting, but focus. We are not to focus on the past. We are to focus on the path and prize before us (v. 14-15).
We know from Galatians 1:13 that Paul did, in fact, remember his “former life.” It was in part because Paul realized that formerly he “was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent” that he stood in awe of God’s mercy (1 Tim. 1:13).
Paul even called himself the foremost of sinners, but he knew and rejoiced that Jesus came to save sinners like himself (1 Tim. 1:15).[1] That’s what we see in Luke 7:46: Jesus said it is the person who knows they have been forgiven much, who loves much.
And remember, even the prodigal son is to rejoice and party. Not in a casual, lighthearted way, but with a profound sense of knowing that he was lost but is now found.
The father welcomes him to the party. The father throws a feast. Not so much because of his past or despite his past, but because his past is past. There is great rejoicing because of the return.
Also, Ezekiel 16 gives a powerful analogy. It is a story about a baby girl who was abandoned. No eye pitied the baby (v. 5). It was left to wallow in its own blood (v. 6).
That is the sad and sick part of the story. Yet, it sets up the beauty of the rescue that happens. If we forget why the rescue was necessary, we’ll forget that the rescue even happened.
It might be difficult for Snow White to recount all the difficulties she faced, but if she forgets the curse she was under, then she won’t be as grateful to her prince, who rescued her.
The orphan outcast in Ezekiel 16 forgot her previous sorry state, and so she forgot her rescue and Rescuer. She did not remember the days of her youth, when she was naked and bare, wallowing in her own blood (v. 22). She forgot her past, so she forgot to be grateful. That’s what we’re liable to do if we forget our past. Sometimes our broken pasts are what highlight God’s transforming beauty.
Not sure if you’ve heard of the word kintsugi, but it is a Japanese word that means “joining with gold.” Kintsugi is a Japanese art form in which a broken vessel’s shards are put back together using gold lacquer. What was badly broken becomes beautiful.
In fact, the bigger the break, the better the beautiful gold shows. Sometimes glory is seen not through strength but through the Savior fixing what was shattered. God brings beauty from what is broken (Isaiah 61:3).
It’s also important to remember the past because it can help prevent us from being unnecessarily hurt in the future. Take Joseph in the Bible, for example. Joseph was mistreated by his brothers. And he did not simply ignore or forget how his brothers sinned against him. He wept over that reality even while he trusted the LORD and forgave his brothers (Genesis 45:1-5; 50:15-21).
Yet, he also helped his brothers to seriously face their sins (Gen. 42:14-20; 44:1-5). Remembering the past can also help prevent us from believing lies. Remembering can be a kind of light that exposes sin, sin that you have perpetrated, and sin that has been perpetrated against you.
So, remembering is often not easy. It can be painful. Many do not want sin to be exposed (John 3:16-21). But as Anna Salter has said, “Darkness produces good mushrooms, but poor flowers.” Or as Dan Allender has said, “The past clings to the present like an intractable barnacle.”[2] If we want to move forward and blossom as God desires us to, sometimes we have to consider and heal from past wounds.
So, we can ask the LORD to search our hearts (Ps. 139:23-24) and ask Him to reveal any hurts that need healing. We cannot solve a problem until we see the problem for what it is.
Another way of saying it: we cannot give our burden to the LORD until we have acknowledged that it’s a burden (1 Peter 5:6-9). Therefore, we remember our past not to wallow in it, but to rejoice in the Lord’s abundant provision. And when we remember where we have been, it helps us stand in awe of where we are now by the grace of God.
Remember Where You Are (and who you are now)
We need something to eclipse our past. But that thing has to be big, or it won’t be able to eclipse whatever lies behind us.
Notice that doesn’t change the reality of our past; it is just a bigger reality than our past. What could eclipse our past? What could be so big that it makes a difference in how we see everything?
John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress recounts the story of a pilgrim named Christian. Christian had an unbearable burden—the crushing weight of sin and guilt. He could find no freedom from the weight of his sin. Until… Until he came upon a hill that had a cross at the top of it and a grave at the bottom. It was as Christian looked upon the cross that his unbearable burden fell off. It fell off and tumbled into the tomb, never to be seen again.
That was the crucial moment in Christian’s journey. His path wasn’t finished, but he was thenceforth new. The Bible teaches us that we are not what we have done or what has been done to us. In Christ, we are new; a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17).
We must fight to remember so we don’t forget. Zechariah chapter 3 tells us a pretty amazing story about Joshua the high priest. He was no doubt a man who sought to live a holy and righteous life and was a leader in the community as the high priest, yet Satan accused him (Zech. 3:1).
That’s actually what the word Satan means, accuser. And that’s what Satan does, he accuses. And he accused Zechariah.
But the LORD rebukes Satan. And the LORD says He has chosen His people, He has plucked them from the fire. And the LORD has Joshua’s filthy garments removed and clothes him with pure clothing (v. 4-5).
That’s what Jesus does. He takes away our sin and gives us clothes of His righteousness. So when we stand before the LORD and hear Satan’s accusations, all Satan’s accusations fall flat.
We can boldly go before the LORD because Jesus has provided a way for us. We are hidden and clothed in Christ (Col. 3:3). Therefore, because of the cleansing and clothing of Christ, we are not condemned, and we should not listen to the lies of Satan, the accuser.
We are God’s children, welcomed with Christ the King. So, we remember where we are: in Christ. And we remember who we are: new creations in Christ.
So, there is another sense in which we are to forget. We are to put the past in the past. We are to remember that in Christ, our sins have been cast into the depths of the sea (Micah 7:19). So, because God forgets our sins, we should too.
Remember Where You Are Going (and whose you are)
Remembering who we are and whose we are helps us put the past in the past. We won’t ever be able to move past our past if we don’t let it stay in the past… Obvious. Yet, profound. The past is the past, so we don’t need to keep dredging it up unnecessarily.
Imagine being at a traffic light and it turns green. You are free to go. Move on. But you just stay there. You’re acting as if it’s red. You’re acting as if you’re stuck. But you’re free to go. But you don’t. You just stay there, stopped at the green light.
That’s what it’s like when we don’t move past the past. I don’t want to be insensitive because I know a lot of people have some really difficult things that they deal with from the past.
You might have been hurt by someone in the past, or you might have hurt someone in the past. You might have sinned against others or been sinned against. Likely, it’s a confusing mix of both. But we want to move forward and not becrushed by the weight of the past.
Remembering where we are going makes all the difference in the world. We see this in passages like Hebrews 11. When we know that we are “strangers and exiles on the earth” (v. 13) and we “desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one” (v. 16) we live differently.
When we look at the past, God’s transforming grace in Christ is there. Our sins are buried in the deepest, darkest, undivable ocean. They can’t be dredged up. When we look at our present, God’s transforming grace in Christ is there.We’re hidden in Christ. Our sin cannot be seen. We have Christ’s blanket of righteousness as our cover. When we look at the future, God’s transforming grace in Christ will be there. Our sins will be forever gone. We’ll have only a song of Christ’s transforming grace.
Our past paints a picture of our need for God. We use the lessons of our past to rely on God for our future. God has been good, and He will be good eternally, and with that truth in mind and by the empowering grace of the Spirit, we can and must move forward.
Thinking About the Past to Move Forward in the Future
- How has your family of origin or something in your past affected your relationship with God and your mental/emotional health?
- Whether it is in your conscience or in practical terms, what decisions have you made in the past that you are still suffering from?
- How does remembering who you are now in Christ encourage you?
- How does remembering the promise of the future help you deal with the hurts of the past?
Notes
[1] “Paul had a clear grasp of the scope of his sinful past, the lies that had fueled his sin, and exactly what he needed God to help him change. In other words, we cannot put the painful past behind us until we have fully grappled with it” (Steven R. Tracy, Mending the Soul: Understanding and Healing Abuse, 134).
[2] Dan B. Allender, The Wounded Heart, 202.
*Photo by Ray Kacaribu
What is Forgiveness and How Can I Forgive?
The Bible talks about forgiveness frequently. It talks about God’s forgiveness of us and our forgiveness of others. Forgiveness is important. So, it’s important that we have a good understanding of it.
What does forgiveness mean?
The truth is, we hear many confusing definitions of forgiveness. Yet, to misunderstand forgiveness brings serious consequences.[1]
The main New Testament Greek word for forgive is ἄφεσις, and basically means to “let go.” Yet, we should know that the best way to determine the biblical meaning of forgiveness is to look at its various uses in the Bible.[2] That’s a big errand and not one we will be able to do here. Yet, this study can still be helpful.
There are three main types of forgiveness.[3]
1. Legal or Judicial Forgiveness
“Judicial forgiveness involves the remission or pardoning of sin by God.” This type of forgiveness “lies at the heart of Christianity and the salvation experience.”[4] This form of forgiveness is contingent on confession of sin (Ps. 32:5; 1 Jn. 1:9) and repentance (Lk. 24:47; Acts 2:38; 5:31). In the ultimate sense, this type of forgiveness cannot be granted by humans, only sought by humans. This type of forgiveness is the kind that every person must seek. Because there is none righteous, not even one (Rom. 3:10). So, we are all in need of forgiveness.
There is, however, another sense of judicial forgiveness. That is, to forgive the debt that one owes. Imagine a friend borrows five hundred dollars; it is my right to get my money back. He owes a debt to me. But I can forgive that debt so that he does not owe me.
The Bible says that the wage of sin is death (Rom. 6:23). The debt we owe because of our sin is death and separation from God. Yet, God makes a way for our debt to be forgiven.
Are Christians to grant legal or judicial forgiveness?
First, it depends on what is meant. As we have said, we are not in the place of God to forgive sins which have been committed against Him. Yet, God in His grace and mercy has provided a way of forgiveness. God is both just and the justifier of the one who places their faith in Jesus (Rom. 3:26).
Second, God has instituted governmental authorities over us to carry out justice and enforce the law. If someone has broken the law and is sentenced to pay the penalty for their crime, we cannot release them from their punishment. In that sense, we cannot “let go” and forgive.
Yet, third, it does seem there is a sense that Christians are, at least at times, to grant legal or judicial forgiveness. This seems especially to be the case when Christians are dealing with other Christians. For example, Paul writes in his letter to the Christian Corinthians, “To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded” (6:7)?
2. Psychological Forgiveness
“Psychological forgiveness is the inner, personal category of forgiveness, and it has two aspects: negatively, it involves letting go of hatred and personal revenge; positively, it involves extending grace to the offender.”[5]This is a form of forgiveness that I believe all Christians are called to.
It should be realized, however, that letting go of revenge and retribution does not mean letting go of justice or the desire for justice. In fact, trusting in God’s perfect justice enables us to leave revenge to God (Rom. 12:19). God will perfectly carry out justice even when governmental justice fails. Trusting God’s justice facilitates forgiveness. We don’t have to avenge ourselves because God is a just avenger (Deut. 32:35; Ps. 94:1-2; Rom. 12:19; 1 Thess. 4:6).
So, “forgiveness does not necessarily remove negative consequences for the one forgiven, nor does it automatically grant trust and reconciliation.”[6] We see this in different places throughout the Bible. In Numbers 14:20-23, God forgives His people of their sin, but that does not mean there aren’t consequences. There are. None of the rebellious adults enter the Promised Land (see also 2 Sam. 12:11; Hos. 3:1-5).
Also, psychological forgiveness is not necessarily felt first; it is often granted first.[7] Forgiveness is not just a feeling; it’s a choice. Hopefully, feelings eventually accompany the choice, but forgiveness is a “letting go” whether or not we feel like letting go.[8]
Forgiveness does not mean that one must forget. “There is no such commandment in the Scripture. Forgiveness is not a shock treatment that instantly wipes out memory of the recent past.”[9] Forgiveness is a process. And I also believe it is a provision of God. He helps us to forgive, and He can heal our hurts.
Are Christians to grant psychological forgiveness?
In short, yes, I believe they are. But psychological forgiveness does not necessarily mean things must automatically or ever go back to the way things were.
3. Relational Forgiveness
This type of forgiveness is restorative. It is the restoration of a relationship or reconciliation. This form of forgiveness is always desirable, but not always possible. There are various scenarios in which this is the case. Aaron Sironi points out that Joseph, in Genesis 42-45, wisely withheld reconciliation until his brothers acknowledged their sins and expressed true remorse.[10]
“When trust is deeply broken, restoration is often a lengthy process largely determined by the changing attitudes and actions of the abuser. Words and tears are not and will never be enough to restore trust. When an abusive person genuinely repents, there is an understanding and acceptance that rebuilding trust will take time.”[11]
In Luke 17, Jesus says: “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
First, we should pay attention to ourselves, knowing that we all stumble in many ways (James 3:2). We must realize that “temptations to sin are sure to come” (Lk. 17:1) to us all. We shouldn’t ignorantly and arrogantly think we are immune.
Second, if someone[12] sins, we are to lovingly rebuke them. Yet, we must make sure we are not puffed up in pride, and we must make sure we do not have a log in our own eye when we seek to look at the speck in someone else’s eye (Matt. 7:3-5). We must also realize that some offenses should just be overlooked (Prov. 19:11; 1 Pet. 2:19, 23). We shouldn’t make an issue where no issue exists or where something can be lovingly overlooked.
Third, it says that if they repent, we are to forgive them. That seems to mean if they don’t repent, we are not constrained to forgive them, at least in the relational sense. Though, in the psychological sense mentioned above, I believe we are still to forgive. So, at least some forms of forgiveness are conditional.
But, Timothy Keller makes a good point when he says,
If a relationship has broken down, it is always your move to initiate relationship repair. Matthew 5 says, “If your brother has something against you, go to him,” while Matthew 18 says, “If you have something against your brother, go to him,” so it doesn’t matter who started it. A Christian is responsible to begin the process of reconciliation, regardless of how the alienation began. [13]
Notice Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Sometimes it is not up to us. If people in our lives insist on continued abuse, we do not need to relationally forgive them. In fact, we likely should not. I believe that would be casting our pearls before swine (Matt. 7:6).
Fourth, we are to forgive those who sin against us when they repent, even when they are struggling to defeat their sin. Therefore, we see Christians are to offer relational forgiveness when genuine repentance has taken place (2 Cor. 2:5-11).
Are Christians to grant relational forgiveness?
As we have seen, the granting of relational forgiveness seems to depend on various factors. Is it wise and safe to be in a relationship with the person who hurt you? Have they shown signs of genuine godly repentance and change?
Steps to Forgive
It can be difficult to forgive others. Yet, forgiveness is something God calls us to. So, here are five steps to help us forgive.
1. Understand God’s Forgiveness
Look at these verses about God’s forgiveness of us!
- “The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against Him” (Dan. 9:9).
- “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us” (Ps. 103:12).
- “Who is a God like You, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea” (Mic. 7:18-19).
This is how Keller says it:
We should be in the accused prisoner’s dock, but we put ourselves in the judge’s seat. But the Lord, who rightly sat in the universe’s judgment seat, came down, put himself in the dock, and went to the cross. The Judge of all the earth was judged. He was punished for us. He took the punishment we deserve. This humbles us out of our bitterness because we know we are also sinners living only by sheer mercy (Forgive: Why Should I and How Can I?).
2. Understand what God says about forgiveness
We must consider what we have already looked at above. In addition, once we have remembered and celebrated God’s abundant love and forgiveness, it’s good to remember what He calls us to.
- “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:32).
- “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Col. 3:13).
- “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matt. 6:14-15 see also Matt. 18:15-35).
3. Understand the offense(s) and negative emotions
If we are to rightly forgive someone, it’s important that we rightly understand what it is we are forgiving them for. Therefore, it is important to clearly think about what they have done and what the result has been. When we know what we need to forgive, we are better positioned to forgive.
4. Deliberately let go of the desire for revenge
We, like Jesus, are to entrust ourselves to Him who judges justly (1 Pet. 2:23). That means we work to let go of a desire for revenge because we know that God will make all things right in the end.
5. Reevaluate the person who hurt you and discover their humanity
We remember that we are all sinners in need of grace. If someone has done something to hurt you, it could be because they have been deeply hurt or because Satan deeply deceived them. Of course, neither of those things justifies at all what they did, but it can be helpful to see their humanity.
What Does Real Repentance Look Like?
This is an important consideration for the person asking for forgiveness, as well as the person granting forgiveness to consider. Genuine repentance is especially important with relational forgiveness. As we saw above, Joseph wanted to see signs of genuine repentance from his brothers before granting relational forgiveness.
So, if someone seeks to genuinely repent, they should:
- Take full responsibility for what they have done.
- Acknowledge the full and extensive scope of what they have done.
- Put boundaries and plans in place to protect the one they have hurt.
- Take active steps to change.
This is what godly repentance looks like that leads to life, as opposed to worldly repentance that leads to death (2 Cor. 7:10-16).[14] People, in other words, are called to bear fruit in keeping with repentance (Matt. 3:8).
Conclusion
It seems that for the Christian, forgiveness is required in every case. Yet, there are different types of forgiveness. If we forgive what someone owes us, that means we realize we will not exact payment. That, however, does not mean that God will not exact payment. Forgiveness, then, is an act of faith that entrusts justice and retribution into God’s hands. We can forgive and let things go when we give them to God. God can handle those things.
Notes
[1] Aaron Sironi, “From Your Heart… Forgive,” 47 in The Journal of Biblical Counseling, vol. 26, num. 3.
[2] See Steven R. Tracy, Mending the Soul, 183
[3] Timothy Keller says, “These are not two kinds of forgiveness but two aspects or stages of it. One could say that the first must always happen, and the second may happen, but that is not always possible. Attitudinal forgiveness can occur without reconciliation, but reconciliation cannot happen unless attitudinal forgiveness has already occurred. (Forgive: Why Should I and How Can I?, 107)
[4] Steven Tracy, Mending the Soul, 184.
[5] Tracy, Mending the Soul, 185.
[6] Tracy, Mending the Soul, 182.
[7] Jay Adams, The Christian Counselor’s Manuel, 67.
[8] Keller says, “Forgiveness is often (or perhaps usually) granted before it’s felt inside. When you forgive somebody, you’re not saying, ‘All my anger is gone.’ What you’re saying when you forgive is ‘I’m now going to treat you the way God treated me. I remember your sins no more'” (Forgive).
[9] Adams, The Christian Counselor’s Manuel, 64-65.
[10] Sironi, “From Your Heart… Forgive,” 51.
[11] Sironi, “From Your Heart… Forgive,” 51.
[12] Luke 17:3 says “brother.” This refers to any Christian brother or sister. But seems to apply in certain contexts to non-Christians, as well.
[13] Keller, Forgive, 190.
[14] “True repentance begins where whitewashing (“Nothing really happened”) and blame-shifting (“It wasn’t really my fault”) and self-pity (“I’m sorry because of what it has cost me”) and self-flagellation (“I will feel so terrible no one will be able to criticize me”) end” (Keller, Forgive, 149).
Can someone who committed suicide still go to heaven?
Can someone who committed suicide still go to heaven? Is suicide unforgivable? How could someone trust Jesus for the next life and not trust Jesus to get them through this life?
My Friend’s Story
I’ve done a few funerals for friends who committed suicide. It doesn’t get easier; they were people I loved and tried to help. I was devasted when they died.
I could share many good stories about them. But I’ll focus on “Steve.” Steve had grit and determination. He had stubborn persistence and a strong work ethic. His work ethic was seen, for example, when he worked through a sandstorm on a mission trip. I remember many talks with Steve about the Lord. Steve professed faith in Jesus and shared the good news of Jesus with others even when he had a lot he was going through. He had a kind smile and a compassionate heart.
Steve, however, was also struggling. He was fighting to hold on to hope and to hold on to life. I visited him in a hospital after a suicide attempt a few weeks before his passing. I came into his room, and he was sleeping. A nurse was in the room with him, and I asked her if I could wake him. She said it was fine. So, I woke him up. I remember his sleepy smile… We talked for a little bit, and I asked him what he thought about God and what he thought God thought about him. He said, rather weakly, “I still think He loves me.”
Steve said with every suicide attempt, he’d pray: “God, if this isn’t Your will, protect me.” I told Steve that he did not have to ask God’s will in this regard. God had made it clear it is not His will that he take his own life. The Bible says, “Thou shall not murder.” The Bible also tells you that you are a precious treasure made in His image (Gen. 1:27). And God has demonstrated His love for you. He didn’t just say it, He showed it.
John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He did something about it, He gave His only Son so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal and abundant life.” The Bible says all that and the Bible says, that in Christ Jesus, you are God’s workmanship, God’s work of art, that He prepared beforehand for good works (Eph. 2:10). I encouraged him that God has good works for him to do. “God has a purpose for your life… God can use your struggles to help others…”
We also read Isaiah 61:1-3 together:
“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.”
Steve was in a dark place. There was a deepening darkness over him. Even while many people were striving to help him, regular people in his community and professionals. Yet, he was still in turmoil.
Steve should not have taken his own life. But I’m thankful that our sins and struggles do not nullify Jesus’ saving work. The mortal sin, the one unforgivable sin, is the sin of not trusting Jesus for salvation. Yes, suicide is a sin but so is selfishness. If I selfishly speed on the highway and get struck by a semi-truck, my sin at the time of death does not in any way negate the salvation of Jesus. I praise the Lord that even when we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself, He cannot deny His own character (2 Tim. 2:13).
Our World is Broken but Jesus was Broken for the Broken World
I want to say a few things about death, suffering, and the difficult complexities we face. Ecclesiastes, an Old Testament book in the Bible, says, “It is better to go to a funeral than a feast. For death is the destiny of every person, and the living should take this to heart” (7:2). That is a strange thing to say. But it is true. Because it is at a funeral that we consider things that we would not consider at a feast.
So, why death? Why suffering? For us to consider those questions, we need to go all the way back to the very beginning…
We all experience loss and grief. But it wasn’t meant to be this way. We sense that don’t we? We know death does not feel right. It feels foreign and wrong. Because it is. The Bible explains the origin of death and confirms it wasn’t meant to be this way. When God made the world, He made everything and it was good, even “very good” (Gen. 1:31). Why then is the world no longer completely good? Why is their death, suffering, mental illness?
The first humans, our ancestors Adam and Eve, dwelt in perfect fellowship with God in the Garden of Eden but after they sinned, they were separated from God (Gen. 3). In that same chapter, there was relational conflict as Adam and Eve blamed each other and the curse of suffering and pain was introduced. And so, Romans 8 says that the whole creation is groaning. This world was once a paradise, but it is a paradise that got polluted and poisoned by sin and so in life, we experience both great joys and great sorrows. We live in a broken world. A broken world in which sadly the second leading cause of death for persons aged 25-34 is suicide. Death is an unnatural thing that even in the best of circumstances causes great grief. It causes grief and is unnatural because it was not part of God’s original good design.
So then, is there any hope or help? Praise the LORD there is! Even in Genesis 3:15, it’s foreshadowed. Jesus! Jesus will crush Satan, sin, and death. Christianity acknowledges the emptiness and brokenness of the world and offers hope, newness, and abundant life. Jesus shared in humanity’s pain and suffering and He provides the redemption and restoration we need.
Why could someone who trusted Jesus for the next life not trust Him to get him through this life?
Why could someone who trusted Jesus for the next life not trust Him to get him through this life? Because this world is broken, and we are broken. Thankfully, however, sinlessness does not save us. Jesus saves us.
The Bible speaks to the difficult subject of suicide and many other difficult topics. We have examples in Scripture and history where saints have sometimes struggled with depression and wanted to die. Jonah, Elijah, and Moses each asked God to kill them (Num. 11:12-15; 1 Kings 19:4; Jonah 4:1-11) and Jesus Himself was tempted by Satan to take His own life (Matt. 4:4:5-6; Lk. 4:9-11). We know that Jesus can sympathize with our weaknesses because, as Hebrews 4:15 says, He was tempted in every way that we are, yet He never sinned.
God has a heart of a loving father for us. He knows life is hard. He knows sin has deeply ruined the world and wrecked our bodies in many ways. God gets we’re broken, and He longs to fix us, that’s why He sent Jesus. Jesus came for the suicidal.
In the song, “It Is Well With My Soul,” we’re reminded that through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, all those who trust in Him have their sin—all their sin—paid for. The song says, “My sin, not in part, but the whole, was nailed to the cross and I bear it no more.”
Jesus saves. So, can someone who committed suicide still go to heaven? It depends. Did they trust Jesus for salvation? That’s the question.
Photo by Emma Steinhobel
How should I think about regret? How should I handle regret?
How should I think about regret? How should I handle regret?
Regret can come about for a lot of reasons. The word regret means “sorrow or remorse for a fault or an act.” There are certainly reasons and times to feel regret, but we should not wallow in regret. Non-sinful forms of regret (like a wrong decision) can lead to lament. Lament is essentially laying out our loss to the LORD. It’s taking our cries, complaints, and cares to Him.
When regret leads us to the Lord or to repentance it can be a good thing. Though, it still should not be an all-consuming thing. Regret, however, is often more like worldly repentance, than godly repentance (see 2 Cor. 7). There’s a sense of loss, but not the will to change. Regret, like worldly repentance, often has sadness without the solid resolve to change. Whereas real repentance leads to life change and life, simple regret is not lifegiving (2 Cor. 7:10); it’s without hope and therefore deadly. Regret doesn’t take the transforming message and good news of Jesus into account.
Repentance and regret
Repentance is a biblical word and learning is a biblical word… Like learning from the wrong we’ve done and changing. Scripture calls us to repentance when we’ve done wrong. Not mere regret.
If there was someone who you think would be lost in hopeless regret, it would be the apostle Paul and, come to think of it, the apostle Peter too. Paul persecuted Jesus, and Peter denied Him—three times. Talk about regret. They didn’t just ruin their life, they turned their backs on the Author of life (Acts 3:15). Wow.
Yet, this is what Paul says: he forgets what lies behind him and strains forward to what lies ahead. He presses on toward the goal of the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Phil. 3:13-14). And Peter reminds us that through Christ Jesus, we have been cleansed from our former sins (2 Peter 1:9). So, regret turned into repentance, and repentance turned into rest in Jesus and resolve to live and die for Him.
Both Peter and Paul, and you and me, have things that we regret. Yet, Jesus cleanses and recreates. If we trust in Him and repent of our sin, He makes us new. Acts 3:19 says, Repent, turn back, “that your sins may be blotted out.”
So, Scripture calls us to repent—change our ways by the empowering grace of God—and not wallow in regret.
The Bible does relate that there are consequences for sin. Yet, it also tells us we can start over. Jesus makes us new. When we sow seeds to the flesh, what grows up is fruits of death—enmity, anger, and animosity. Whereas when we sow seeds to the Spirit, we get the fruits of life and righteousness—peace with God and relational prosperity.
Regret looks inward, into self, and tries to find resources there. That perspective is fruitless and flawed. There is not help enough there. Repentance, on the other hand, looks outward and upward for help from Christ the Creator and Recreator. He—as the Boss of the universe—has resources to help us with our deepest and darkest regrets.
Three categories of regret
Think of three regrets in your own life. List them out. Now we’re going to categorize them and consider how you should respond to them. Here are three categories of regrets:
- Sinful: what you regret was flatly wrong (e.g., stealing)
- Wrong choice: in retrospect, your choice was not the best (e.g., could have chosen a career you’re better suited for)
- A confusing mix of sin and wrong choice: the situation is so extensive you can’t sort it out (e.g., a marriage that ended in divorce)
How does Scripture tell us to respond to the three categories of regret?
Sin should always be repented of
First, sin should always be repented of. Sin always leads to brokenness and is an offense to a holy God. Therefore, we should turn away from all sin and ask for forgiveness. The Bible teaches that when we do this God grants forgiveness. We, therefore, don’t need to live in shame and guilt. For those in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation (Rom. 8:1).
If you have a regret to repent of, certainly do that! And even make restitution (Luke 19: 8 cf. Ex. 22:1; 2 Sam. 12:6) and reconciliation (Matt. 5:23-26; 2 Cor. 5:18-19) wherever possible. But God does not call us to condemn or flog ourselves. God instead makes us new creations in Christ and forgets our sin. Do not remember something God has forgotten. Do not carry something Christ has buried. If God has thrown your sin into the depths of the ocean never to surface again (Micah 7:19), why do you recall them? Could it be the father of lies bringing them up from the dark depths to destroy and condemn?
Some regrets do not require repentance, though they may require tears
Second, some regrets do not require repentance, though they may require tears. I regret not spending more time with certain loved ones that have died. I regret misunderstanding when a particular assignment was due because it resulted in a bad grade. Yet, I don’t need to repent of all my regrets because not all my regrets were the result of sin.
Some regrets are a source of frustration because we have more information now than we did when we made our choice. Or you may feel like you are a different person now than when you made the choice. Or… a thousand different things. But you did make the choice, and now, in some sense, you’re stuck with the choice. And you regret it.
So, what do you do? How should we respond to this type of regret? Trust and lament.
We trust the Lord is with us and for us and is good, even in the midst of our less than stellar situation. Even if our life never feels finally fulfilled, or it seems like it could’ve been so much better if we would’ve made a better choice, as Christians, we know that we are not home here. Nothing will actually be a perfect choice here. Instead, heaven is our home. We are strangers and exiles here.
We know the world reels and regrets, as a result of the Fall. Things are not as they should’ve been and won’t be until Jesus comes back to fix the world. So, in one sense, regret is natural now and expected because of the broken world that is our address.
We also lament. We talk to the Lord in song and prayer, and we tell Him what we don’t like and why. Yet, even as we lament and lay out our losses and regrets to the Lord, we also trust.
Sometimes it’s hard to sort through our regret
Third, sometimes it’s hard to sort through our regret. Sometimes it is hard to label it and put it in a specific bucket. Yet, we know the One who knows our hearts better than we know our own. So, we cry out to the Lord, and we ask Him to help us. We ask for direction and we trust that when we don’t know the way, He does.
We also know that even while Jesus never sinned—never made any wrong choices whatsoever—He does understand where we’re coming from. He does know and did experience this messy and messed up world (Heb. 4:14-16). So, He can sympathize with us.
When regret is a riddle that we cannot figure out, we can and must still lean on the Lord. We turn to Him (that’s really what repentance is) and away from wallowing in despondence.
So, take your regrets, categorize them as best as you can, and respond appropriately: repent, lament, or a combination of the two. But don’t wallow in self-pity or condemnation. Self-pity and condemnation forget the gospel; they forget that Jesus has promised us the Kingdom and given us His righteousness.
Ultimately, the solution to regret of any kind is trusting and remembering Jesus’ gift of perfect righteousness and His coming reign where all regrets will be washed away (Rev. 21:1-4).
Take some time and respond appropriately to your regrets.
Reflection questions to help you process regret
- Read 2 Corinthians 7:10-11. What is the difference between “godly grief” and “worldly grief”?
- Do you have places in your life where you have regret that is merely “worldly grief” but isn’t leading to healthy life change?
- What are a few actions steps that you can take to purposely and intentionally turn away from and defeat sin in your life?
- Read Psalm 51:1-7. What did king David, the author of Psalm 51, regret? (Notice the introduction to the Psalm)
- How did king David respond to his regret?
- Did David hold out hope that he could be forgiven for what he did?
- When your sin is brought to light, what is your response?
- Read Psalm 51:8-19. David clearly regretted his sin. Yet, he wasn’t totally hopeless even though his sin was terrible and tragic. In the verses you read, where do you see signs of hope?
*Photo by Nathan Dumlao
How to Die Well
We are all going to die. But that does not mean that we are all going to die well. If we are going to die well, first we must remember death (memento mori).[1]
Second, we must look to and learn from Jesus. Jesus, as the perfect Son of God, lived and died well. We’d be wise to take our cues in life and death from Him. Below are eight ways we can die well.
Anticipate
“…Jesus knew that His hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father…” (John 13:1).
We don’t always know when we’re going to die, but we do know we will die (Heb. 9:27). It is wise to anticipate and expect it and try as best we can to be ready for it by God’s grace and for His glory.
I think we best anticipate our death by living each day as if today may be our last day. The truth is, we could meet our Maker today.
Believe
“Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved” (Acts 16:31).
That’s number one. That’s most important. Amazingly, God loved the world, the broken, fallen world, so much that He sent Jesus into the fractured world, so that whosoever believes in Him would not forever perish but rather of eternal and abundant life (John 3:16). So, if you have not trusted in Jesus and repented of your sins, do so today. Today is the day of salvation. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Love
Jesus “loved His own who were in the world” and “He loved them to the end” (John 13:1).
Being ready to die well means living in love. Jesus loved to the end. Dying well for us too means loving until the end.
Forgive
Jesus, from the cross, said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).
How can we hold unto hurts in life, when Jesus forgave from the cross? How can we hold unto hurts in life, when Jesus forgave at the cost of His life?
Jesus modeled forgiveness from first to last—He came to earth to forgive and left forgiving. How can we who have been forgiven, not forgive (Matt. 6:7-15; 18:21-35)?
Tell
Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43).
Even as Jesus took upon Himself the worst ordeal that we can fathom and that was completely undeserved, He still had the good news of salvation on His lips. The one true King hung on the cross—a perfect rose between two criminal thorns—and shared the message of salvation with the underserving.
If the message of salvation was on the King’s lips on the cross, how much more should it be on ours?! So, if we are to die well, we must tell well. We must share the reason for the hope within us (1 Peter 3:15). We must share the reason why even while we grieve, we have hope (1 Thess. 4:13-18).
Provide
“When Jesus saw His mother and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son!’ Then He said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!’ And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home” (John 19:26-27).
Jesus cared for His mother and so He made provisions for her. If we are to die well, we, like Jesus, will make the necessary provisions to care for our loved ones. This does not mean that those provisions need to be lavish and lush, but I do think we should do what we can to help those in our care.
Trust
Jesus called out with a loud voice: “’Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!’ And having said this He breathed His last” (Luke 23:46).
In Jesus’ dying breath He did what He had always done, He breathed in and breathed out trust (Matt. 6:25-34). God has proven Himself in life, we can trust Him in death. Further, Jesus died and was raised to life to bring us to God and thereby Jesus proved that God is truth worthy.
When we trust God in life, it prepares us to trust Him in death. We must all pass through “the Jordan” but we’re helped when we recall God has been with us the whole journey. So, may our dying breath and our last mind glimmer be one of trust. May our faith not fail when are frame is frail and our skin is pale, like an anchor deep may our trust be tethered to the lamb who is the conquering lion.
Receive
“Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfill the Scripture), ‘I thirst.’ A jar full of sour wine stood there, so they put a sponge full of the sour wine on a hyssop branch and held it to His mouth. When Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, ‘It is finished,’ and He bowed His head and gave up His spirit” (John 19:28-30).
Jesus shared a need. He said, “I thirst.” In part, this is connected to a prophecy about Jesus the Messiah (see Ps. 69:21). But I believe another application is it shows us that it is okay to for people that are suffering to seek alleviation of suffering. Proverb 31:6 says to “give strong drink to the one who is perishing.”
So, we see it is okay, and I believe even right, to receive medical help to lessen pain and provide comfort.
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[1] I found Matthew McCullough’s book, Remember Death: The Surprising Path to Living Hope, really helpful and eyeopening.
4 Points to Pop Pride
The last thing Christians should be is puffed up with pride. Below are four points to pop pride.
Pride is damaging and is at the heart of what damned the devil himself. We would be wise to destroy pride before it destroys us (Prov. 16:18).
1. Group Connection
Pride protects us from the penetrating eye of others, at least, until it is too late. To kill pride we must let at least a select group pry; pry into our lives and our inner motivations. We must let them lovingly dive-in and help dig out roots of sin that we can’t see because the seed hasn’t yet sprouted and blossomed its poisonous plume (see 1 Tim. 5:24; Heb. 12:15).
When I drive with my wife you can often hear me say, “Clear right?!” As soon as she says, “Clear!” I’m making that lefthand turn. I’m squealing the tires (in our minivan…).
I ask her because I can’t see what’s coming. And I know that blind spots can cause big problems. So, I need her help.
Blind spots are no less dangerous on the road of life. We need each other to see what we don’t see ourselves. What’s going on in our own hearts is hard to truly understand. We need wise brothers and sisters to help us discern what’s going on (cf. Prov. 20:5).
Connection in an honest and loving community is vital for health. We need spiritual wellness exams. We want to kill cancerous sin before it grows and brings forth death (cf. James 1:15). We need to be sharpened (Prov. 27:17) and we need the occasional friction of rebuke (1 Tim. 5:20; 2 Tim. 4:2).
Like a horse, we need a goad to guide us to good works (Heb. 10:24-25). Like a rope, we need to be interlaced with others to be strong (Eccl. 4:12). Like a general, we need counsel to wage war wisely (Prov. 24:6).
Ironically, if we’re going to pop pride, we need people in our bubble.
2. Gifts are a Gift
Gifts are given. They are not deserved. If we have a gift, it’s because we received it. We didn’t own it on our own. Therefore, we shouldn’t boast as if we did not receive it (1 Cor. 4:7). And no matter what we have—strength or smarts, artistry or arithmetic, wealth or wisdom—it’s all a gift given by God (Jn. 3:27; James 1:17).
And gifts are given, not for our own good, but for the good of others (1 Pet. 4:10; 1 Cor. 12:7). Gifts are given with an understanding from God that there will be a return on His investment. It is required of servants that they be faithful (1 Cor. 4:2). But, that is nothing out of the ordinary. A servant is supposed to be faithful (Lk. 17:10).
If they are a servant with more gifts entrusted to their care, they are just being faithful with what God has given them, which is really not much different than the other servants. Except that they may go through more pain and have more of a demand on their life.[1]
Also, it should be remembered that no body part, whatever that body part is and how gifted it is, functions on its own. In the same way, the quarterback may lead the team but he’s not the only one on the team. If he were, he would be crushed.[2]
We all have different parts to play in the body (1 Cor. 12:12-31). The different parts have different roles, different gifts, as God assigned. But, notice, it is God that arranged and appointed it that way (v. 18, 28). It is not as if anyone earned their particular gift or role in the body.
So, since gifts are given they should never be a cause of pride.
3. Given Identity
The Bible teaches us that we don’t earn an identity, we are given an identity. Anyone in Christ, for example, is a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). That is who they are. They are new. They are an adopted son or daughter of God (Eph. 1:5).
Paul David Tripp’s book on leadership is very helpful here. I shared a few quotes from his book recently. Here’s one that’s especially applicable here:
“Ministry leadership identity produces fear and anxiety and will never produce the humility and courage that come with identity in Christ. Looking horizontally, as a leader, for your identity, meaning, purpose, and internal sense of well-being asks people, places, and position to do for you what only your Messiah can do.”
We don’t boast in who we are, we boast in the Lord (Jer. 9:23-24; 1 Cor. 1:31)! Therefore, we don’t falter when we fail and we don’t overly seethe with success. And we don’t compare ourselves with others because we’re not looking for commendation from others (2 Cor. 2:12, 17-18). We’re looking for a smile on our Father’s face, even if it brings a frown from others (Matt. 25:21; Rom. 2:29; 1 Cor. 4:5).
So, we rest in our God-given identity—who we are in Christ—and not in any merely earthly identity.
4. God’s Glory
Everything we have, we have been given. And everything we have been given is to be given back to God in the form of praise. All we do is to be to His praise and glory, even when we eat (1 Cor. 10:31).
Everything is about Him, it is the height of folly and stupidity when we make it about us. That’s worse than an ant that thinks it deserves praise for moving a speck of sand. The ant is nothing and its work is nothing compared to the might and majesty of God. To think that God would owe us is worse still (see Job 35:7; 41:11; Rom. 11:35)!
All things are about Him (Col. 1:16) and the fact that He chooses to use mere humans only highlights His glory (2 Cor. 4:7 cf. 2 Cor. 12:8-10).
So, we pop pride when we see that it’s all about God and His glory.
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[1] See “The Pastoral Long-Suffering of Spurgeon and Boyce”
[2] The success of the body rests on the individual parts of the body and not on any one part on its own, no matter how gifted that part is. Tom Brady knows this. He gave up millions so that the other important parts of the team could get filled up.
*Photo by Hamed darzi
Fear & Flourish
“…Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh…” (Proverbs 3:7-8)
These verses stood out to me in my reading today. They’re important to understand and even more important to apply. There are three main points and they build sequentially upon each other.
1.Fear the LORD
This is essential. If God is not rightly respected the following points of the verses fall flat.
Fear of the LORD is the beginning (Prov. 9:10) and the beginning of freedom from sin.
2.Turn from Evil
We must turn from evil. The cold hard truth, however, is that we won’t unless we know and love the LORD. Actually, we’ll even have confusion as to what evil is.
But, we must turn and even run from evil. If we don’t it will be our downfall. It will be our downfall in a million ways. The start will be subtle but the end will be slow suffocation. Choking out life.
If we turn away from evil, we will…
3.Experience Healing
God, as God, knows how life is to be lived. He knows because He created all life. When we turn from the destructive nature of sin, we turn to the good God intended for us. And it’s life giving. It brings medicine to our bones (v. 8).
So, let’s fear the LORD, turn from evil, and experience the flourishing God has in mind for humanity.
“Hello, My Name is ______ and I am Transformed”
This post is from chapter 11, “Hello, My Name is _____ and I am an Addict Transformed,” from my book, Gospel-Centered War: Finding Freedom from Enslaving Sin.
The Bible does not deny that we were various things—addicts, homosexuals, hateful, prideful, pornographic masturbators—but that is what we were (past tense) (1 Cor. 6:9-11; Titus 3:3-5). The emphasis in Scripture is on what we are and what we are called to be. The Christian does not say, “Hello, my name is _____ and I am an X Y or Z.” The Christian says I was dead, but now I am alive. The Christian says I am a struggling sinner, yet I am a saint. The Christians says, I am a new creation; I am transformed.
We must remember however that we are “simultaneously saint and sinner.” This is the biblical balance. We are holy in Christ and yet we are progressively becoming holy (see 1 Cor. 1:2; Heb. 10:14). I like how John Owen says it: We, who are freed from the condemning power of sin, ought yet to make it our business all our days to kill the indwelling power of sin.[1]
Paul wrote a letter to a church located in Ephesus back in the day. The people there had many struggles. Many of them use to worship various false gods and perhaps were even involved in cult prostitution. But you know what Paul called them when he wrote to them? He called them “God’s beautiful creation,” “God’s masterpiece” (Eph. 2:10). He didn’t say, “Now church, make sure that you are constantly reminding yourselves that you were part of the occult. In fact, when you meet together say, ‘Hello, my name is ______ and I am an occultist.’” No! He said, “You are new! In Christ! Transformed!”
One of the problems in claiming the identity of “addict,” “alcoholic,” or “overeater” is that we deny that addiction is a habit that can be finally overcome. I am not saying it won’t be a struggle. I am not even saying that it will even finally be overcome in this life. Yet, the Bible teaches the freeing and empowering truth that in Christ we are currently a new creation. It says we are adopted children of God. We are even God’s beloved; His treasure.
Labeling may not seem like a big deal but it is. In hospitals, it is important for people to be labeled correctly. If someone has a gunshot wound on their leg, they should not be taken to a cardiologist and someone that has the flu, they should not be life-flighted. Labels are important for treatment. Labels are important for our own treatment. The treatment of ourselves. How we look at ourselves, talk to ourselves, think of ourselves.
Our Hope in the Midst of the Virus
This is a difficult time for many of us. Yet in the LORD we find comfort that transcends our earthly struggles. What hope do we have in the midst of this time of difficulty?
Zephaniah recounts for us a lot of really difficult things. Zephaniah is not a lighthearted read. It is heavy. If Zephaniah was a painter, he wouldn’t have used pastel colors. Instead, the canvas would be filled mainly with black and red.
Yet, there would be a glimmer of light, a glimmer of hope in the darkness. What hope is that and who is it for?
Layout your Lament to the LORD (Psalm 10)
The Bible teaches us that we can layout our lament[1] to the LORD. We can cry out to Him for help or to honestly share our disillusionment. Lament psalms make up around a third of the book of Psalms and is the most numerous type of psalm within Psalms.[2] And so we see, “The vast majority of psalms were written out of a real-life struggle of faith.”[3]
The Bible teaches us that we can layout our lament to the LORD. We can cry out to Him for help or to honestly share our disillusionment.
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Here we’re looking at Psalm 10.
Cry for Help (v. 1)
The first thing we see the psalmists does in this psalm is cry out for justice. “Why, O LORD, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?”
We too can take our honest wrestling to the LORD. In fact, that is what we must do. We must bring our laments to the LORD.
in X 